..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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