Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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