He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
