Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
