Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
