You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
