went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
