I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
