mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
