Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
