i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
