I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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