Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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