you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
