Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize