yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
