Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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