Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
