He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
