"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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