Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
