the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
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she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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