Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
