just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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