we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
