She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
