dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
