idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
