Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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