Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
