walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
