just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
