It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
