you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
