I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize