tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he thought i was a dude.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
