Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Found the puke drawer
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
