she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
