never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
