Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
