This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
