I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
