I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My feet surprised me
Randomize
