I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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