I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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