I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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