You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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