i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
