K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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