I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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