dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
