just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize