So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
