Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
