He kissed a someone with a penis
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
