A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
