Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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