He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
