Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
