She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
