There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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