Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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