Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
