i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
