wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
