I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
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Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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