you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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