She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
