people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
