you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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