My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
