i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
