1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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