i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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